Diary… ‘Put your head in a bucket of steam’ Was maybe not the best advice


It’s on the nhs website. What’s not to like?

Tuesday 31 March 2020, London My personal failings are being exposed daily. For just over a week my wife has been feeling unwell: cough, headache, chest congestion, fatigue and muscular aching.

The stoic in me says ride it out. You don’t have a fever. Rest, get hydrated and don’t do anything stupid in the meantime. Enjoy that big jigsaw and Homes Under the Hammer. Cup of tea, darling? 

The ineffectiveness of this method is magnified when I try to persuade The Patient that what would really help is if she put her head in a bucket of steam. This is actually on the nhs website under “home treatment” for chest problems. What’s not to like? A lot, it seems because my diligent ministering is roundly scoffed at and rejected every day. I need a different approach.

📌 Maybe a Joke from The Poke might help. Here’s one by Steve Martin: “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”

📌 I’m letting the satirists show me the way. Mark Steel has posted this: “I’ve just got Zoom to work, and feel so excited I want to tell everyone. It’s a similar feeling to when my kids were born, or when I was 16, and snogged Kim Norwood at my mate’s party (turned out she was so drunk she thought I was Alan Buckingham).”

And John O’Farrell remarked that now that The Archers will finally be introducing Coronavirus to Ambridge IN MAY, he suspects the virus will be over by then. My wife tells me The Archers is notoriously bad at keeping up with current events.

📌 Kat at Headway sent me a picture for the #katyasshoes feed on Instagram.

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