Diary… Laughter is the best medicine, even in these trying times

‘An astrophysicist in Australia stuck some magnets up his nose trying to invent a Coronavirus safety device’

Sunday 29 March 2020, London I have decided that the only way through this hell is to not take myself too seriously. 

📌 Having said that, I am permitted to report the seriousness of others. Some character in today’s Observer is predicting this crisis to flourish into a full-blown dictatorship by consent. Bio-security via mass Covid testing, will become the new stick with which Boris and his ugly accomplices will turn us all into dithering supplicants, begging for permission to buy our next bog roll. 

📌 Just discovered that Tim Burgess of The Charlatans is hosting album-listening parties on Twitter at 10pm every night.

Monday 30 March 2020, London The Poke has put out its list of 69 funniest jokes. They have the last laugh by actually publishing 70, adding an extra one by Bob Monkhouse to finish. I expected to have heard some of them, but no, not a single repeat. I nominate this one, by Ian Smith, for today:

“If you don’t know what introspection is – you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.”

📌 An astrophysicist in Australia is clogging up a hospital bed. He stuck some magnets up his nose trying to invent a Coronavirus safety device. He was “trying to liven up the boredom of self-isolation with the four powerful neodymium magnets.”

The story just get funnier and funnier with every sentence. His partner helpfully started to laugh at him, which only caused him to do more stupid things: “I was trying to pull them [the magnets] out, but there is a ridge at the bottom of my nose you can’t get past.” 

Then he moved on to Google for a solution and miraculously found an identical situation in which an 11-year-old boy solved the problem by using more magnets to magnetically coax the stubborn magnets from his nose. 

Then he tried pliers, “but they became magnetised by the magnets inside my nose.” He must have been relieved to be offered a ride to the hospital. “My partner took me to the hospital that she works in because she wanted all her colleagues to laugh at me.”

Even the doctors who finally removed the magnets thought it was funny.

📌 My temperature is 36.84. Nothing to do with this…

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