Diary… City allotment suffers petty pilfering


Light-fingered locals must be dealt with…

As a committee member of the Golden Baggers allotment group, my duty is to keep the potting shed tidy, and each year prior to the AGM in February, to compile a “tool inventory”.

This year’s tool list shows that our award-winning food-growing project could be harbouring petty thieves.

The shed has been stripped of all its secateurs bar one measly pair.

New ones will need to be bought out of this year’s subscription revenue (£20 per 1.5m square planter per year).

Some committee members speculate that those responsible for the missing secateurs are well-to-do leaseholders who make off with the communal equipment in order to tend the gardens of their out-of-town second homes. 

Then they “forget” to return the borrowed items.

Multiple generic requests for the return of loaned tools have been unsuccessful.

The committee must now decide what to do about these middle-class delinquents.

My preference for naming and shaming is considered intemperate and out of proportion. 

I didn’t bother suggesting we chop their fingers off and feed them to the squirrels.

This year’s inventory did not include an audit of first-aid supplies or of anything related to composting, so the real problem could turn out to be much bigger than anyone at first imagined.

🔹Read yesterday’s diary entry.