‘I looked down and saw the body of a woman in a shallow grave’
Sunday 8 March 2020, London
📌 Weird dream last night. Or perhaps not, given that we overlook a building site and watch an awful lot of crime/detective fiction.
From our 5th floor balcony I looked down on a patch of ground and saw the body of a woman lying face down in a shallow grave.
She was clothed in blouse and skirt. The backs of her bare calves were clearly visible. She wore court shoes with a square heel of about 3 inches.
Her arms were out above her head. The grave was barely deep enough. Her bum stuck up, and, had her body been covered with soil, there would have been a conspicuous lump for detectives to fret over.
But the ‘burial’ was incomplete, and there she lay, lifeless in the open grave.
The patch of ground was quite cluttered with clumps of earth and scrub, and it took me some time to convince others that there was actually a dead body down there in that mess.
📌 In the book I’m reading, a 10-year-old Davy Copperfield has just been bundled off to London to become a downtrodden warehouse slave at Murdstone & Grinby.
📌 Great news comes from the satirical website Newsbiscuit. Miley Cyrus has been named the official Cockney rhyming slang for Coronavirus. It narrowly beat Egyptian Papyrus.
📌 I’m getting a lot of stuff about relationships in my Quora feed. This is because that’s what I looked at most recently, like the posting about the woman who fed laxative to her unsuspecting boss.
Today’s top question: “I can’t stop staring at a co-worker and now it’s really uncomfortable. What should I do?”
Top answer: “I had a similar experience the last time I was in college (I was 45, at the time).
“One of my classmates had the most amazing, clear skin I had ever seen, and I couldn’t help myself. After I realized I had been staring, I was worried about how she might feel about it, so I walked over to her, apologized for my perceived slight, and told her why.
“Her response totally surprised me. She beamed and said ‘Thank you! I work hard on my skin, and I’m glad someone noticed!’.”
📌 Sometimes, in ridiculous moments, I wonder whether the two plastic bags ensnared on the bare branches of the tree below have started a conversation about the weather.
White bag to blue bag: “Bit breezier than yesterday, don’t you think?”
Blue bag to white bag: “Definitely. Felt like my insides were on the outside.”
📌 We are supposed to be “self isolating”, as recommended by the government.
Fine by me, but my wife has just suggested we go into town to buy a new telly. I said it would be safer to do click-and-collect. Or have it delivered.
📌 It seems that one story is making all the news agendas today. It’s the one about the pig in Leeds that ate a pedometer, shat it out into dry hay, whereupon the device caught fire and set the hay ablaze.
📌 Gripping end to the Six Nations England vs Wales game. Right up to the final seconds, Wales clawed their way back, despite being two players down. It was not to be. England won 33-30.
England push for victory…
📌 Man Utd beat City 2-0. Great second goal after City keeper blundered badly.
📌 Most of the cast of ‘Hidden’ look like they need a wash. I think this is slightly unfair on smalltown Welsh people.
Pop Quiz… Name That Tune
“Many faces I have seen
Many places I have been
Walked the deserts, swam the shores
Many faces I have known
Many ways in which I’ve grown
Moving closer on my own”