Diary… Brexit puts Cornish Pasties in peril

Heritage snack could lose protected status held under EU law


Monday 24.02.20, London

>> The Zoe Ball BBC Radio 2 breakfast show this morning included a discussion about Cornish pasties.

Zoe told us that the crimping on Cornish pasties distinguishes them from all imposter pasties. Zoe expanded by telling us that you can tell by looking at a pasty’s crimping whether it was done by someone right-handed or left-handed. Right-handed crimpers are ‘Cocks’ and lefties are ‘Hens’.

Nice bit of crimping…

Just as I tried to verify this online, I was stopped in my tracks by the sight of a whole Wikipedia page on the Cornish Pasty.

I knew there was always some intense discussion of the exact ingredients, but the news that since 2011 the Cornish Pasty has been a protected species under EU law was startling.

Slowly throughout the day I grew more and more concerned that its Protected Geographical Indication would be taken from it now that Britain has departed the EU.

>> I fully intended to go in search of cheap sub-80gsm white A4 printer paper, but got outside and quickly changed my mind.

Storm Dennis is still having a go. Wind and drizzle. Plan switched, I went instead to the shop to get a tin of soup for lunch (lobster bisque, jazzed up by adding a tin of shredded white crab meat, lots of pepper and a pinch of dried chilli flakes).

On the way home I bumped into neighbour Julie, who I think is now in her 90s. She tells me that wind speeds this afternoon are predicted to be very high. She mentioned the numbers 17 and 40, but I wasn’t sure if she was referring to wind speeds or not. I’m not sure she knew either. I promised to stay indoors all afternoon.

Then she told me how she rarely ventures outdoors during the day because she is too busy watching old films on YouTube and listening to Spotify “through the telly”. She advised me to “find a youngster” who can fix up my TV to play old films on YouTube. 

>> Another gem pops up in my Quora feed.

“My boss is always taking part of my food in the common fridge. I’ve told him I didn’t like that and now I buy my food to avoid it. Am I a skinflint?”

And the top reply:

“I had that problem. I made my food and mixed in a lot of laxative. When she shat herself, I calmly asked if she ate my food. When I got pulled into HR to ask what had happened, I told them I’d been constipated and put laxatives in my meal, and then I asked why they weren’t questioning the thief. My food was sealed and labelled in my lunch box that had my name all over it. Never had that problem again.”

Another reply called the boss a “douchebag” and told of a similar use of laxatives and a “stool softener” to deter a serial food-snatcher, who later became known throughout the office as “Poopy Pants Carol”.

>> Another sketch from the ‘Masculinities’ exhibition at the Barbican.

This one will make a good mono-print subject because all the arty elements are there: shape, line, pattern, tone, detail. The subject also puts out a lot of attitude, so I have high hopes for this one. The background in the shot is just as interesting.

>> When West Ham went 2-1 up against Liverpool tonight,  I experienced an unsettling wobble.

I began to mentally prepare myself for the game to be lost. West Ham were a team in desperate need of a win.

And even I have been heard to complain that Liverpool’s supremacy has become a bit boring.

I’m not alone. Recently an Irish schoolboy wrote to Liverpool coach Jürgen Klopp asking him, for the sake of all neutrals, to make his team lose.

Klopp wrote the little dickhead a personal letter in reply saying, “Thank you for your lovely, cheeky letter, but sich verpissen“, or something along those lines.

In the end I need not have worried because Liverpool won 3-2.

Read yesterday’s diary.

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